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News
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| Scrooged !!! |
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Here's a story to warm the hearts of even the most cynical of Christmas souls;
A certain member of the MMCRGW golf tour (who cannot be named but we will refer to him as Evergreen) found himself in an embarrassing position over Christmas. On arriving at the home of his ex-wife on Christmas day, he realised that he hadn't bought his son a present.
Being the enterprising sort of guy he is, he went into the back garden, leapt over the fence into the neighbours garden and stole their tortoise.
Excellent, problem solved, little Johnny now has the present he always wanted, ex-Wife is over the moon and Evergreen's maybe looking forward to a bit lobster thermidor for old times sake.
A couple of days later, on another visit back to the house, Evergreen notices that there are some posters nailed to the trees in the street offering a £200 reward for anyone finding a wayward and much loved pet tortoise.
Now, Evergreen knows an opportunity when he sees one - he retrieves the tortoise, tells his son some old cock and bull story about it being ill and needing to be put down, returns the tortoise to the neighbour and claims the £200!!! |
| NO PICTURES !!! |
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Unfortunately, due to a bizarre set of circumstances, tour hack Bob McDowell had his camera destroyed during the closing ceremony of this years event. |
| STOP PRESS !!!! |
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Clarkie sadly, cannot make it to this years event, which is a shame because some other poor sod will have to take up the mantle of "worst golfer" from the great man.
Apparently, the event clashes with something Tracy has organised (shopping I think).
However another, far more disturbing reason has come to light - it seems that MCMXC may have hit lean times and Clarkie has had to turn his hand to another line of work. Click
here to read the awful truth.
If you see this man, do not approach, he is obviously desperate, leave it to the professionals and contact PC Knacker immediately. |
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| 2004 Tour Update .... |
Tuttons Last Outing ! |
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As always, your organisers have put together a fantasia of golf related mirth including such highlights as; Clarkie checking for bricks in his golf bag, Doughie and Monty emptying the pool with another fine display of synchronised belly flopping and Morgan, sacking all the staff whilst tired and emotional !! |
An especially warm welcome to all the new members - you're in for a weekend that will live long in the memory (not your short term memory of course, that'll be blown to pieces by 3 days of heavy drinking). If you've got a mind to wrest the trophy from the clasping hands of the current incumbent Boris, then you'll need to put some intense practise in. Rumour has it that the big man has been putting in some major work on his machine like swing. He recently got a set of new clubs for his wife – nice swap Boris.
Other notables include Morgan "the Leader" who is well into his Colin Montgomery phase – man tits and a crap swing. The only man who can find a ball in the rough that everyone else saw drop in the water.Clarkie, on hearing that there's water on the course, has been nicking range balls by the bucket load from Oaks Park. He's also been studying a golf book lent to him by DB called "When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever".
New boy Jerry Warwick has been spotted at Chipstead GC following a ruinous night of beer and curry, with stalwart Phil Dinsdale. After a particularly agricultural shot, Phil was heard to quote "In golf as in life, it's the follow through that makes the difference".
Godders has had some lessons with our resident pro Stuart, starting with an assessment round. After which Godders pronounced, "Well, I've never played this badly before!" to which Stuart replied "I didn't realise you've played before, Mr Bosley."
Last but not least, Gary Drink, "drives a Titleist and putts a Top-Flite" was playing the mighty Oaks Park recently. After eyeing his putt for over two minutes on the notoriously shabby 7th green he announced that it was a "Rock Hudson – looks straight, but isn't"
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| How I Play Golf - Dave Clarke |
Here is a new Golf Book that might make for interesting reading for some of you. Here are some of the more notable chapters:
- How to hit a Top Flite from the rough when you hit a Titleist from the tee.
- How to avoid the water when you lie 8 in the bunker.
- How to get more distance out of a shank.
- Using your shadow on the greens to maximize earnings.
- Proper etiquette when you are playing with a complete jerk.
- Crying and how to handle it.
- How to rationalize a 7 hour round.
- How to find the ball that everyone else saw go in the water.
- How to make hitting short of the ladies tee sexy.
- How to let a foursome play through your twosome without getting embarrassed.
- How to relax when you're hitting five off the tee.
- When to suggest swing corrections to your opponent.
- God and the meaning of the double bogey.
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| Winner 2003 |
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The winner of the MMCRGW trophy for 2003 is Chris Borasinski
Congratulations to Boris who has been on two previous tours and been there or there abouts both times. |
Boris got off to a good start in the warm up on Friday losing the orange ball with his second hit!
However, after an evening of suitable re-hydration therapy and tips from his playing partner, Boris really got stuck into the course on the Saturday racking up an impressive 40 points to be the leader after the first day. After a bit more excessive drinking and talking nonsense in the evening, Boris continued to play well on the Sunday holding off a very stern challenge from Rob Cork to score a further 36 points.
In the tightest possible finish, Boris beat into second place new boy Rob Cork on countback. In only his first tour, Rob almost scooped the trophy but was narrowly edged out of it. Well played Rob!
It must be the year for new boys because coming third with a very impressive 75 was rookie Stuart Walker. This was especially impressive given that Stu was playing off scratch and had a very full evening of refreshment on the Saturday night!
Now here's something to remember, Clarkie, a consistent bottom 5 finisher, pulled his finger out to show his talent and was unlucky to be not placed higher than his eventual fourth place.
Congratulations to all those that won prizes and for contributing to yet another wonderful weekend of golf and laughs. Sprowston Manor more than lived up to its billing by giving us a fantastic venue, the best greens we've played on and staff with a sense of humour (all those that Morgan didn't sack anyway).
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| Tour 2004 |
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It's a mystery !!!
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We have scoured the four corners of the kingdom in search of venue that would befit the mighty talents of fine yeomanry of the MMCRGW. The result of that quest is this Marriott hotel & country club. Read more about it here.
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| Too Much Right Hand |
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New member Tony Allen appears to have been overworking his member and managed to pick up a rather painful injury. Tony has always been a little on the blind side and now it transpires why:- he has been
spanking the monkey with such vigour that he's had to have an operation on his right paw to correct a tendon problem.
Sadly, this means that Tony will be only a spectator at this years event. We at MMCRGW would like to wish Tony a speedy recovery but in the meantime Tone, give the old boy a rest !!
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| Shock Handicap Revelation |
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Defending champion Gary Drink (some mistake surely - ed), was overheard to mention that he is back to his very best and over the last couple of weeks has "...torn
the arse out of Oaks Park.."
Thanks Gary, the handicap committee have been duly informed along with our resident bookmaker!
Any revelations concerning other members are welcome and will of course be treated in the strictest confidence - don"t delay, ring CowboyStoppers now and help make tour a fairer place.
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| Mike Bramble (Ex-OWRFC Captain) |
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Whilst injured, Mike played a round one Saturday with our esteemed MMCRGW member Reg, accompanied by his four legged companion Emma.
During the game, Reg received a phone call on his mobile telling him of the first team result - a loss, unfortunately. On overhearing the result, the dog went berserk - somersaults, howling and
whining, finishing up laying prostrate with her paws over her ears.
Mike was aghast and inquired with Reg as to the reason for the behaviour. Reg said that "She always does that when she hears that Old Walcountians have lost." Mike then asked what she did
when they won? Reg said "I don"t know, I"ve only had her 2 years!"
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| Woes of a MMCRGW New Boy |
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Golf novice Paul Tutton (a.k.a. Chard VC) has been finding it difficult to master the great game. On a recent outing to the Oaks the Welsh wizard told me that he took a 12 on a par 3.
Naturally, I asked him, "How in the world did you manage a 12 on a par 3?" To which he replied, "I sank a 30 foot putt."
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| If you would like to find out more about the club and who to contact, take a look at the About Us page. |
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